After four years of ethics hell, I was "offered" a sec check. For a mere $12,000.00, I could perhaps get a chance at being able to get out from under this ethics hell. So I said yes and paid for it. (Click to see invoice and payment.)
I did the sec check (told in more detail in another portion of my story) and afterwards they do a "KR handling". There is no written policy explaining what is a "KR handling" and in fact there is much administrative policy and auditing procedure writings which caution against going back over the overts (misdeeds) told in session.
In this KR handling, it was made clear to me that I would have to turn my husband into a Scientologist. What?!?!?! A new step on my endless ethics program?
Let me step back a moment. I disseminated to my husband before we got married, or even dated, and I sold him a Dianetics book. I brought him into the local mission, Church of Scientology Mission of Belleair where he signed up for a course and did half of it. The Mission staff messed up in the course room (I won't go into the details for right now) and he also discovered that the staff were "gossiping biddies", telling him private stories about people he knew or talking in the public hallways about other Scientology members behind their backs. He pegged the Church of Scientology Mission of Belleair as a gossip house full of gossiping biddies, and not to be trusted with any private information whatsoever. They messed up royally, showed their true colors, and he never went back. It was as simple as that.
So back to the KR handling.
The FSO MAA Lili Braun decided that she was going to personally drill me on "the Dissemination Drill" and I was going to somehow turn my husband into a Scientologist. Now I know enough about the Scientology "tech" on the subject of dissemination. I know that when someone has an upset, that needs to be taken care of. You cannot just "advertise" to someone over their upset; you won't get a result.
Anyway, I already knew how to disseminate. I'd done the entire "Scientology Dissemination Course" and I knew more procedures in dissemination than just that one "Dissemination Drill". I knew that more drilling on that technique was not going to make one iota of difference in what my husband thought about the Church of Scientology. As far as I was concerned, he could remain a non-Scientologist. He didn't bother me about my involvement; why should I bother him about his non-involvement?
Well, I saw that this new project by FSO MAA Lili Braun was just another added step to the endless ethics steps I'd been given over the prior four years. I knew it really didn't matter what was going on with my husband. That wasn't the issue at all. The Church of Scientology had no plans on letting me out of "ethics hell" and continuing in Scientology like the average Joe should be doing. Never.
So I never went back.
A few weeks later, I received a phone call from a friend of mine (whom I will call "Abby"). Abby told me that she wanted to disclose something to me because I had been making plans to work with her and her husband (whom I will call "Larry") and she felt they needed to disclose something to me. Abby told me that she and Larry had decided to leave the Church of Scientology.
I was stunned. These two people were the last people I could have imagined would leave the Church of Scientology. They'd been in for about 30 years and were field auditors, meaning they made their living doing the Scientology counseling from their home (though not as a church staff member). They had moved to Clearwater from Los Angeles to continue to do their Scientology progress. They had even sold their Clearwater house after just one year to buy a house only 20 miles away when they discovered (after purchasing their Clearwater house using a Scientologist realtor Patricia Gore, who should have known better) that Flag had a "20 mile rule".
Flag had decided to enforce an old policy relating to St Hill Manor in England, and required that field auditors operate at least 20 miles away from St. Hill. They forbid anyone to do field auditing within 20 miles of Flag (downtown Clearwater, Florida). My friends were dedicated enough to rip up their home and move just 20 miles away so they could continue their field auditing practice. Now that's dedicated!
These people are leaving the Church of Scientology? I needed to find out more.
Abby told me about the altered tech being applied and enforced in the Church of Scientology. She elaborated on what had been altered, how it was being enforced as far up as RTC (Religious Technology Corporation, the part of the Church of Scientology whose job it is to ensure that auditing techniques are being applied correctly and true to the writing of L. Ron Hubbard). She elaborated how if you reported this altered tech to RTC, you'd get in trouble.
I knew this to be true. I had observed for myself that there were a lot of technical alterations within the Church of Scientology. I'd written them up many times. They were never addressed, never fixed, never changed, and I was never notified that I was right or wrong with my report. I also observed for myself that, as often as not, when I wrote a Knowledge Report, it was I who would get in trouble. For that reason, I quit writing Knowledge Reports unless I considered something to be particularly heinous.
What Abby and Larry were telling me about, with regards altered-tech, was not much more than I'd already observed. However, the difference that day was that before I'd only seen one alteration at a time. I would somehow explain it away, or it would be explained away for me. So each alteration discovery was an individual incident, separate from the others, and each explained away. But this day they all came flooding back to me at the same time. All together. In that instant, I saw that the Church of Scientology was too far altered, corrupt at the RTC level and therefore could never be corrected.
Larry told me that Abby had had such a rough time with her auditing in the prior year, and how her package of services was all used up. They had already pre-paid for every service to get his wife from her status of "Power Processing completion" up to and onto OTVII (about $100,000), and the entire package had been scuttled and used and frittered away with useless auditing actions. He said his wife was in no better condition, and in fact was in worse condition, than before all the so-called auditing that had been done with her over the prior year. He said he had conducted his own investigation into the matter, without involving his wife (or the Internet). He had written to RTC and to her C/Ses and to Flag and others. The replies he got basically said his wife was a "dog pc" and had withholds and evil intentions. This being unreal to him because of what he knew, he smelled a rat in the Church of Scientology.
Larry told me that he did all his research within the means he already had — observations and reports within the Church of Scientology, and further close study of auditing technology procedures. He told me that he did NOT use the internet to investigate the Church of Scientology at this time.
Larry did discover that there was something called "the Freezone". This is a term used loosely to describe all those practicing Scientology outside of the Church of Scientology.
Larry told me that one could do the entire Bridge to Total Freedom in the Freezone, including the OT levels up through OTVIII and the L's Rundowns. Really, I asked? Yes, indeed. He remarked about how the OT levels had been stolen from the Advanced Organization in Denmark in the past; how some ex-Sea Org members had dressed up as Sea Org members, gained access to the confidential OT course materials, and walked out with them. No one stopped them.
Realizing I had an opportunity to explore the subject and practice of Scientology without the oppression and barriers I had encountered while in the Church of Scientology, I exclaimed "Where do I sign up! I'm joining you guys!"
And at that moment, I had left the Church of Scientology.